There are no pictures of my attempt later that night to chop firewood with an ax. It's a good thing G taught me to have a wide stance in case I overshot it, because I definitely overshot it and swung an ax through my legs. I was put on precision stump chopping drills after that, but my second real attempt hit my foot. I was then sent back into the house, but I still felt outdoorsy so it's all good.
My mother's response to these photos: "I see it, but don't believe it."
Also, I'm making a Dalek Christmas tree with a fake tree and clearance ornaments! Maybe tomorrow I'll find that mythical string with which to attach the wire whisks.